Happy New Year Note

I have had a very busy holiday season and am glad to get things back to normal. I hope you had a great holiday and got all the things you wished for.
I hope your New Year is wonderful and full of great things.

Todays Note

I've been down with a really nasty flu bug. If you feel the start of a virus trying to get you down, take good care of yourself. There are some bad germs out there.


This info came from the book "The Verbally Abusive Relationship".




Characteristics of a Verbally Abusive Mate may be -

- irritable
- likely to blame you for their outburst or actions
- unpredictable (you never know what may anger them)
- angry
- unable to accept your feelings or views
- unable to express warmth or empathy
- controlling
- silent or uncommunicative
- demanding or argumentative
- seem like a nice person to others
- competitive toward you
- sullen
- jealous
- quick with come-backs or put-downs
- critical
- manipulative
- explosive
- hostile
- unable to express their feelings

this should be a warning list for people who wonder if they are in a bad relationship.

Book I Suggest

The Verbally Abusive Relationship - Patricia Evans

publ - 1996


This book has many things people recoving from abuse need to read and learn. I found it very helpful and educational.

be kind to yourself on your journey.

PS - There have been problems with the image download gizmo at Blogger but they are working on it this afternoon. This is why it's been so long since I posted something. I tried for days to download things and it didn't work. I wish them well on fixing it.

Todays Note

Co-Dependent Checklist

1- Solving their problems or relieving their pain is the most important thing in my life – no matter what the emotional cost to me.

2- My good feelings depend on approval from them.

3- I protect them from the consequences of their behavior. I lie for them, cover up for them, and never let others say anything bad about them.

4- I try very hard to get them to do things my way.

5- I don’t pay attention to how I feel or what I want. I only care about how they feel and what they want.

6- I will do anything to avoid getting rejected by them.

7- I will do anything to avoid making them angry at me.

8- I experience much more passion in a relationship that is stormy and full of drama.

9- I am a perfectionist and I blame myself for anything that goes wrong.

10- I feel angry, unappreciated, and used a great deal of the time.

11- I pretend that everything is fine when it isn’t.

12- The struggle to get them to love me dominates my life.

I got this information from the book – Toxic Parents by Dr. Susan Forward. The book goes into much more detail so please read it, if this list applies to you and your life.

Todays Note

When I was on my journey, Co-Dependency was a new word and idea. It still applies. It basically boils down to the concept – if you live with insanity, you have to go a little insane yourself to survive. Once you are out of the insane relationship, you have to look at, identify, and fix all the parts of you that went a little insane to cope. It doesn’t matter what kind of insane person you lived with – actual untreated mental illness, alcohol, drugs, or plain abuse – it’s all a type of insanity. They all leave scars. You have to look at the scars, figure out what is hurt, and fix them. All those kinds of insanity require you to adjust around them being the center of your universe - to be able to live with them. Those adjustments are the scars you have to heal.

Todays Note

Domestic Violence Victim Bill of Rights

 - You have the right NOT to be abused.

  - You have the right to anger over past beatings.

  - You have a right to choose to change the situation.

  - You have a right to freedom from fear of abuse.

  - You have a right to request and expect assistance from police or social agencies.

  - You have a right to share your feelings and not be isolated from others.

  - You have a right to want a better role model of communication for yourself and your children.

  - You have a right to be treated like an adult.

  - You have a right to leave the battering environment.

  - You have a right to privacy.

  - You have a right to express your own thoughts and feelings.

  - You have a right to develop your individual talents and abilities.

  - You have a right to legally prosecute the abusing spouse.

  - You have a right not to be perfect.

http://www.aardvarc.org/dv/billrights.shtml

Todays Note

Book I Suggest :

 Toxic Parents - Dr, Susan Forward  (publ. 1989)
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I'm sorry it's been so long since I posted. I've been trying to find books that I found helpful when I was on my journey. Of course, this was back in the dinosaur days - so it's hard to find them now.

This is one I found very helpful back then. I hope you can use it now. It is great for someone trying to heal from childhood abuse but anyone recovering can gain a lot from just reading it. It's always helpful to understand how families work.

It's an easy book to read. Some books are like the text books we had in college. (Felt like running through knee - high mud to get through a single page !!). This isn't like that.